MJ: Baby, remember when we were talking about organizing my son and I’s apartment, and you offered to help organize it because “I’m a guy and I have no idea how to organize an apartment, and if you wouldn’t have helped me organize my old house, that place would have been a disgusting pigsty, not fit to raise my son CJ in?”
Malia: ……
MJ: I know you know I had to leave right as my parents showed up to help organize the apartment today. Well, as it turns out, it really pissed them off. Quite frankly, I don’t blame them, but I am still in the situation I am in, whether it is fair or not.
Malia: …………….
MJ: They are coming over from 10 until noon tomorrow, and I would love to surprise them by being “almost” done with organizing the apartment when they show up. That way they will be impressed by how much work got done so quickly, and they can finish organizing the apartment, which will make them feel good.
Malia: ……………
MJ: Will you…….
Malia: ……………
MJ: Will you help………
Malia: …………
MJ: Will you please help me?
Malia: It will cost you.
MJ: How much?
Malia: 1000 kisses all over my body when I beautify the apartment by morning.
MJ: I agree to the terms.
Malia: I didn’t say what part of my body.
MJ: I have kissed every square inch of your body. It’s all kissable.
Malia: Lucky you, I’m just up the hill at our apartment.
MJ: Awesome! I didn’t know you were coming down here tonight.
Malia: I was going to surprise you.
MJ: I love it.
Malia: I wanted to make sure those little hussies who were hitting on you at the pool the other day weren’t organizing a house warming threesome for you.
MJ: I don’t think they were hitting on me. They were just being friendly. They didn’t ask me out or anything. I told them I was married.
Malia: First of all, you are girl dumb. You just think every girl is nice and innocent. If it would have been 2 guys being nice to you, you would have immediately thought they were up to no good. And second, they were touching each others boobs and offering you massages! Third of all, girls like that don’t care you are married! Telling them you are married, are wasted words with them. They don’t care.
MJ: Did I do something wrong?
Malia: No. You were even cute when I walked down there. You introduced me and made them move out of the way so I could sit next to you.
MJ: I don’t know what to do then baby. Please just help me with the apartment.
Malia: I will be down in about 15.
MJ: Can I come up and walk you down the hill?
Malia: You don’t think I can walk 200 feet down a hill?
MJ: I would like to walk with you holding hands. I just like being around you and the babies. Sue me!
Malia: I think that was the Asian girls name! You have been cheating on me.
MJ: Baby, I just want to hold your hand and spend time with you.
Malia: I would like that very much. We need to walk fast though. We have a lot to do by morning.
MJ: You are awesome baby!
Malia: Somedays I think I was put on this earth to babysit you.
MJ: Guess what?
Malia: Chicken butt?
MJ: No. My babysitter has sex with me.
Malia: And if you tell anyone about it, I’m going to tell your mommy that you didn’t organize your own apartment, you 36 year old teenager.
MJ: My lips are sealed.
Malia: I’m glad they are in position for my 1,000 kisses. Come get me.
MJ: I have been sitting on the stairs out front for the last 10 minutes.
Malia: I’m ready “MJ The Romantic”
MJ: My mom will never believe I did this baby!
Malia: The Blair Witch style video you did at your old house was great!
MJ: Thanks but my mom will never believe I made the apartment look like this!
Malia: Then mess it up a little bit.
MJ: How did you know where to put shit?
Malia: Dubs pulled the recordings of the conversations you and your parents had.
MJ: How did you get them?
Malia: Dubs has a heart occasionally.
MJ: Can I have the recordings of my parents talking?
Malia: Dubs knew you would ask but she also said you would know her answer, so no conversation needed.
MJ: Did you listen to them talk?
Malia: No, but if I did, I would have to agree with your Mom on those red and orange couch pillows. Yucky!
MJ: Was I rude to them? Honest answer.
Malia: They only drove 30 miles both ways to bring you supplies, help organize your apartment and do anything that you might need them to do or help you with, and you not only left immediately, but you seemed pissed off at them before they even said hello.
MJ: So yes?
Malia: No, because you wrote yes, when the correct yes is YESSSSS!!!
MJ: What should I do?
Malia: Walk up the hill and fuck me in, and then I will wake you up in enough time for you to be there before they get there.
MJ: Typo?
Malia: Where?
MJ: Fuck me in? Didn’t you mean tuck?
Malia: No. When I was a little girl I got tucked in, but now I’m all grown up. Now I get fucked in.
MJ: Uhm, alright.
Malia: What about the 2,500 kisses you owe me? I want half before and half after you fuck me in.
MJ: 2,500?
Malia: I didn’t tell you? I gave myself a bonus for finishing early.
MJ: Without asking if I agreed to it?
Malia: I knew you would.
MJ: How?
Malia: Because it is in your best interest to.
MJ: Is that a threat?
Malia: No
MJ: It sounded like it.
Malia: We are messaging each other. It can’t sound like anything, because you’re reading what I type.
MJ: How do I win here?
Malia: I told you how to win already. I might let you win twice if you will hurry up and get up here.
MJ: Running like Michael Johnson right now.
Malia: The athlete?
MJ: Nope. The one that wants to satisfy his queen.
