Being in the hospital again for my neural implant replacement surgery has been bringing back old memories from the past.
One funny story from when I was in the hospital recovering from subdural hematoma and first neural implant surgeries back in 2015/2016, is the Intern Fuck You Story.
The following is “The Intern Fuck You Story”:
Let me set the scene first. I was at Walter Reed Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland, recovering from subdural hematoma and first neural implant surgeries in 2015/2016.
I was having to learn how to walk and talk again. I was afraid of all the legal problems from allegedly being the chief architect of the Stuxnet cyber weapon.
I was not in a good place mentally, physically, or legally, and I was frustrated about it. One little thing would make me or break me on any given day.
Malia was a medical intern at Walter Reed while I was there, for my doctor, Dr. Frincke.
Malia was so patient, loving, and supportive. She devoted all the work hours and after-hours personal time to taking care of me that she could. She was amazing, but sometimes I was not easy to deal with.
One day when I was being particularly difficult, Malia decided to take my physical therapy session for the day into her own hands.
Before I say what I am about to say, I want to first say that I love and appreciate Malia more than anything in this world except our kids.
That said, on “Intern Fuck You Day,” I was very mean to Malia. I said things that I shouldn’t have said. I said(yelled) mean and hurtful things, that I never should have said(yelled).
On the morning of “Intern Fuck You Day” Malia did not come to visit me before she clocked in, like she said she was going to do.
I immediately assumed the worst. I was thinking she was with some other guy.
Here was Malia and I’s conversation when she walked in the door to check on me and to take me to physical therapy during her work hours.
MJ: What the fuck Malia? Why didn’t you come visit me this morning? Were you out fucking some other guy?
Malia: Stop. You know I wasn’t.
MJ: I don’t know shit!
Note- Malia started checking my vitals and asking me health related questions.
MJ: Are you seeing somebody else? Fucking tell me!
Malia: I couldn’t come to visit you this morning.
MJ: Because you were sucking some guy’s dick! You fucking bitch!
Note- Malia looked at me with the most evil stare imaginable. Now let’s pick up the conversation after that.
Malia: I will tell you what happened tonight after work.
MJ: If you don’t tell me where you were, I am going to fucking (interrupted).
Note- Malia interrupted me.
Malia: You are going to fucking what?
MJ: (Yelled) Get the fuck out! I don’t want to see your fucking bitch slut face!
Malia: (Yelled) Fuck you! Fuck you asshole!
MJ: (Yelled) You can’t talk to me like that. I am a patient.
Note- Malia leaned in to whisper in my ear.
Malia: (Whispered) I am going to show you what a fucking bitch slut face I am! It’s time for your physical therapy.
Note- Malia walked out into the hall to ask for a help nurse to move me from the bed to a wheelchair. Malia and the help nurse moved me into the wheelchair. After the help nurse walked out of the room, Malia threw the things that I needed to take with me to physical therapy at me. Malia proceeded to push my wheelchair down the hall. While she was pushing my wheelchair down the hall, she was being so overly nice to everyone who worked at the hospital and other patients she knew. Malia is very nice, but on this day, she was being sickeningly sweet to scare the shit out of me. When we were getting closer to the pt room, she leaned down to whisper in my ear.
Malia: (Whispered) We are almost to your physical therapy session. The pt rooms are soundproof, so no one will hear you scream!
MJ: I don’t want you at my pt session.
Note- Malia leaned into whisper in my ear.
Malia: (Whispered) I don’t give a flying fuck what you want!
Note- As soon as Malia pushed me into the pt room, she spun my wheelchair around to where I was facing her. Then she shoved the wheelchair backwards across the room into the back wall.
Malia: (Yelled) Michael David Johnson, I do everything for you! Try saying thank you every once in a fucking while! Because you called me a “fucking bitch slut face” you are about to get what you deserve! I was fucking and sucking the hottest guy! He had a big dick and rock-hard abs! I loved it!
MJ: (Yelled) I knew it! You fucking cunt! I hate you!
Malia: Ask me how hard he made me cum?
MJ: (Yelled) I am going to fucking kill that mother fucker! You fucking whore! Get the fuck away from me slut!
Malia: Have you ever heard of the band Rage Against the Machine? They have a song called Killing In The Name Of. The lyrics go something like this.
Note- Malia connected her phone to the room stereo system and cranked up Rage Against The Machine’s Killing In The Name Of song as loud as it would go. Malia walked over to where she was about 5 feet away from me and yell sang the entire song at me. While she was yell singing, I was calling her every bad thing I could think of. She yelled the part of the song- “Fuck you! I won’t do what you tell me.”, so loud it hurt my ears. After the song was over, here is where the conversation picked up.
MJ: How could you cheat on me? I love you so much it hurts. I am going to get better. I would be so good to you. How could you throw that away? What you did today hurt me more than my surgeries and recovery pain combined.
Malia: This is the video I made for you telling you how much I love you this morning while I was waiting for AAA to come change my flat tire. Here is the AAA receipt. I’m sure you could check with the hospital to confirm that I called and told them I would be late today because I had a flat tire. Still think I’m a “fucking bitch slut face?”
Note- Malia couldn’t call me because I wasn’t allowed to have a phone in my room or a cell phone at this point.
MJ: You are a scary mother fucker. You know that?
Malia: Wrong answer! What is the right answer?
MJ: I am so sorry. I screwed up. Please forgive me. I don’t have any excuse, but my head is all kinds of messed up right now.
Malia: You are going to have a lifetime to make it up to me.
Note- Malia pulled my wheelchair away from the wall and pushed my wheelchair to the door. When Malia opened the door, hospital security, doctors, nurses, and patients were standing outside the room. I heard someone say- “Is everything okay?” Malia said- “It is now.”
At the time, I was public enemy number one. The hospital staff and patients all thought I was a bad guy based on the rumors. They would have let Malia do whatever she wanted to do to me.
We found out later the pt room was not sound proofed. Everyone heard every word. Malia was nicknamed “Intern Fuck You.” I have talked with other patients and staff that were there that day. That nickname has stayed with her to this day.
Malia, I am sorry about how I treated you that day. I love you more now than ever. Thank you for being so amazing then and now! I love you to death “Intern Fuck You!”
Rage Against The Machine – Killing In The Name Of song- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxk3c_SbWMg
Michael “MJ The Terrible” Johnson’s Neurotech Brain Implant Replacement Surgery – https://www.therealmjtheterrible.com/michael-mj-the-terrible-johnsons-neurotech-brain-implant-replacement-surgery/
