Malia: Hey, I haven’t heard from you today. Are you ok?
MJ: Yep
Malia: Are you sure?
MJ: Yep
Malia: I think I know why you are upset but I am too afraid to say it. Is it what I think it is?
MJ: Who wouldn’t be upset if their wife and mother of their children tried to torture them?
Malia: You deal with the most stressful shit imaginable for a living. Literally you are America’s top cyber warrior, but one time we have to buy off brand toilet paper because they didn’t have the normal kind, and you are pissy about it for days!
MJ: Off brand? More like industrial strength sandpaper rip ass paper.
Malia: I admit it. It is a conspiracy between the personal shopper, Franny, and me to try to take you out. The great off brand toilet paper conspiracy of 2024.
MJ: So, you are admitting it?
Malia: You are insane Michael David Johnson!
MJ: You are an abuser Malia May Johnson!
Malia: An abuser that made a dinner last night that you said was one of the best meals you have ever had.
MJ: It was a trap.
Malia: How?
MJ: You made me food so I would have to poop and wipe my butt with the industrial strength sandpaper toilet paper of doom!
Malia: I just went around and looked in all the bathrooms. I will admit it is a funny coincidence that the only bathroom where the toilet paper of doom is, is the restroom you do most of your business in, but it is only a coincidence. It was not on purpose. Franny is who probably put it in there. Not me.
Malia: Wait. Baby, I have been texting all the people it could possibly be. I know who did it. Before I tell you who did it, what do you think the punishment should be for the person who put the “industrial strength sandpaper toilet paper” in the bathroom you usually use to poop in?
MJ: The electric chair!
Malia: Is there any other punishment you can think of that fits this obviously crime?
MJ: Firing squad!
Malia: What about a public stoning?
MJ: That’ll do
Malia: It was your mom.
MJ: Oh shit. You set me up. You fucking booby trapped me.
Malia: Maybe a little bit. I sawwwyyy. If you got the time I could booby trap you for real.
MJ: In the flesh?
Malia: In the flesh!
MJ: I like it! OTW
Happy 12 Year Anniversary Malia May Johnson! – https://www.therealmjtheterrible.com/happy-12-year-anniversary-malia-may-johnson/
