Malia: I love how when I walked in the room and you thought I looked at you weird while you had Cash over your shoulder in the ready to power slam position yesterday, you said- “This is not child abuse.” Then Cash said- “Watch daddy power slam me. Right now he’s not daddy. He is Andre The Giant.”
Malia: I know how much you love our kids. #loveviapowerslam
MJ: Oh yeah, before I forget. I am glad you don’t have tiger belly, but even if you did, I would still love you endlessly.
Malia: I googled “tiger belly” but I can’t find anything about it. What is tiger belly?
MJ: The lines on some women’s stomach.
Malia: Do you mean skin folds like bbw girls have?
MJ: No. I’m talking about like that mom in the mom’s play group has. No offense to her or anything. We all have issues, marks, scars, etc. I have a giant surgery scar on my head. I am not trying to insult her or anything. I am trying to say that you are the sexiest milf momma in the history of kids play groups.
Malia: Stretch marks
Malia: Baby, women are so sensitive about our bodies. Remember when you went down on me for the first time, and you said I smelled like Cheetos? What did I do?
MJ: You closed your legs, jumped up off the couch, and started crying.
Malia: Why did I do that?
MJ: Because you thought I was saying something bad about your body.
Malia: Yep! Women are sensitive about their bodies, so don’t ever say “tiger belly” when women are around.
MJ: I am always nice to everybody. I wasn’t trying to say anything bad about anybody’s body. I was trying to say good things about your body.
Malia: I do know that. You are just a man. You are an awesome man though.
Malia: The way you talk is just different than most people. A recent example I can think of besides this whole “tiger belly” business is when we were watching that domestic violence movie. I said- “Are you a domestic violence advocate baby?”, and you said- “No! Why would I advocate for domestic violence?” You speak literally and most people don’t.
Malia: Hey, I have a question for you. How often do you think about the Roman Empire?
MJ: I know what you are asking. Not necessarily the Roman Empire but because of what I do for a living, a lot.
Malia: Am I the table baby?
MJ: No
Malia: You don’t think I am “The Table”? I try so hard to be that for YOU!!!
Malia: My feelings are hurt. 🙁
MJ: Your feelings are hurt because I don’t think you are “The Table”?
Malia: Do you know what “The Table” is?
MJ: I do, and I think the reference is very limiting. So no, I do not think you are just “The Table!”
Malia: “The Table” means high value/important. I am not high value/important to you?
MJ: Let me be a little more specific. You are not just “The Table” to me. You are all the furniture, the house, the cars, the mother of my children, my wife, my life, and my all of that and a bag of chips.
Malia: I was crying. I am super reactionary and preggo emotional right now. I should have heard you out first. Do you still think I am more than just “The Table”?
MJ: I do. I am really looking forward to our date night.
Malia: Me too! Where are taking me?
MJ: It’s a surprise, and just so you don’t freak out in the moment, the baby doctor okayed it. I need to run sweetheart. I love you more than life itself and I’ll see you tonight.
Malia: You leave me with that cliff hanger? I trust you. I have learned by now that when you say, “just go with it” it usually leads to good things. I love you too and bye.
Malia: And thank you for the no “tiger belly” compliment, even though you should never use those words again. I love you again and bye again.
“Awesome” Dating Memory – https://www.therealmjtheterrible.com/awesome-dating-memory/
