Last night was our first full night in our new house as a family. We had a nice family dinner together. We spent quality time together. We did our first bath and bedtime routine. MJ and I made love and pillow talked until we fell asleep in each other’s arms. All felt right with the world until 3:21am! At 3:21am all hell broke loose!
At 3:21am our house alarm went off, our outside siren alarm went off. Lights from a helicopter that was landing in our backyard were pointed at our house. We had no advanced warning about what was going on.
Our family’s security team was gathering our family up to take us to the panic room in our house with their guns drawn. I remember our head of security, Brittany White, saying- “We have to get you and the kids to the panic room now. MJ would do anything to get you back if you are captured by a hostile.”
Brittany and Mr. Pete got us to the panic room within 90 seconds of the alarm going off. Inside the panic room are video cameras of inside and outside of our house. MJ said when we were looking at the video cameras- “The helo (means helicopter in military language) says FBI on it.” Then we hear over a loudspeaker- “This is the FBI. Mr. Johnson, we need you to make your way outside and come with us.”
Brittany and Mr. Pete went outside to confirm it was actually the FBI. Mr. Steve and the other security guys stayed with us.
After confirming it was the FBI, Brittany came back and let us know what was going on. She said- “It’s the FBI. There is a crisis situation. They need MJ’s help.”
Then MJ went outside to talk to them. He came back inside about 5 minutes later. When he came back inside, he had the look. In emergency situations, MJ gets this serious- “I have the weight of the world on my shoulders now” look.
MJ started to say something and I cut him off. I started crying and yelling- “Just go! Just fucking go!” MJ tried to hug me and I stupidly and out of pure fight or flight emotions hit him as hard as I could in his chest. MJ tried to hug me again and I hit him hard in the chest again. Brittany held my arms/hugged me and said- “He has to go Malia.” Then MJ said- “I’m sorry. I will be home as soon as I can. I love you.” Then he turned around and told the FBI guy- “Let’s go.”
Baby, I am sorry I lost it. I am sorry for giving you the death stare. I am sorry for yelling at you. I am sorry I hit you(twice). I am sorry I sent you away like that. I know that whatever emergency it was the FBI was coming to get you for was way more stressful than what happened at our house. I love you so much. I knew what I was signing up for when we got married. In my defense, that was a very intense life experience. The way they invaded our backyard without a warning in the middle of the night was scary. And it was the first night at our new house.
I don’t know what the emergency was that caused the FBI to helicopter into our backyard last night, but I saw this in the news today, and I am guessing this is the reason- US government hit in global cyberattack https://www.cnn.com/2023/06/15/politics/us-government-hit-cybeattack/index.html
At breakfast Cash said- “Daddy was wearing the Hakuna Matata shirt we bought him last night when he left.” It made me laugh because Hakuna Matata means like peace and happiness, and I know you are dealing with the exact opposite of that right now. Maybe it will throw the bad guys off.
Baby- I love you! Do what you gotta do to keep us safe. I will take care of the home front. I can’t wait for the kids’ next play date. When the moms ask me how things are going, I get to tell them about the FBI invading our backyard at 3 o’clock in the morning.
FBI/the government- When all else fails, you come get my husband. I get it. I really do, but next time call ahead! You had a whole helicopter ride over to our house to be able to let us know you were coming. You could have given us a heads up.
Bad guys- Can’t you stop bad guying? WTF?
Distinguished Intelligence Cross Awarded To Michael “MJ The Terrible” Johnson For Acts of Extraordinary Heroism – https://www.therealmjtheterrible.com/distinguished-intelligence-cross-awarded-to-michael-mj-the-terrible-johnson-for-acts-of-extraordinary-heroism/
