MJ: Guess what?
Malia: What?
MJ: I took my wife to a no tell motel.
Malia: You are not supposed to tell. But it was your wife, so I guess it’s okay. Did she like it?
MJ: It was a surprise that I was going to take her there. She had to warm up to it. But once she got into, absolutely.
Malia: I bet she was wondering why when her water could burst at any minute you would take her to a no tell motel in the ghetto.
MJ: She was, but we have this thing where if we are going to do some spontaneous YOLO ish, I make this special promise to her that has kind of become our thing, that lets her know everything is going to be ok.
Malia: And she falls for that shit?
MJ: For 12 years!
Malia: Baby!
MJ: I love you woman! I would die for you!
Malia: It was understandable that she would be nervous about it, given the fact that there were no google reviews, bars on the windows, it was in the ghetto, and we pulled up in a G Wagon, Escalade, and Cyber Truck security convoy. Right?
MJ: I will validate that, but I knew everything would be fine and fun.
Malia: And did you take her straight to the room for sex, or did you walk up to a group of scary cartelo guys and ask them if you could check out their car?
MJ: It was hands down the coolest looking lowrider I have ever seen. I just wanted to look at it.
Malia: Did they say, “Sure! Let me show you?”
MJ: No.
Malia: What did they say?
MJ: They said- “What the fuck you want white boy? You a cop?”
Malia: I bet your pregnant wife and your security detail were freaking out, huh?
MJ: I just wanted to check out the car for a second and maybe take a quick pic to send to my buddy Johnny who loves lowriders.
Malia: What was your response to their questions?
MJ: I told them a buddy of mine runs a lowrider car club and would love their car. And I said I am not allowed to be a cop because of some kind of national security watch list I’m on.
Malia: What did they say to that? Something about you being a crazy white boy for coming to the hood with your millionaire whips and your fancy pregnant lady? Then I bet they told you they were in a gang possibly. What did you say to those things?
MJ: I told them I was there to break the fancy pregnant ladies’ water by banging the no tell motel shit out of her. And I told them I had a buddy named Edea who was connected.
Malia: And in classic MJ fashion, everybody became friends, they showed you their bouncing car, and wished you luck breaking my water.
MJ: It didn’t work.
Malia: But “The Vanilla Vagina Vato” gave it a good try! The “fancy pregnant lady” loved it!
MJ: “The Vanilla Vagina Vato” loved it to.
Malia: Do you know what my favorite part was?
MJ: In the shower where “bodies have been found in this tub. Drug overdoses, gun shots, stabbings, what else? Nasty shit and you know it!”
Malia: Yes, but a close second was what they said when we were walking out. He was like- “Yo! Did you break that shit homes?” You said- “No. We had fun though.” Then he said back- “That’s alight. You’ll get it next time. Don’t give up.”
MJ: Was it too much babe?
Malia: Not at all. Next time do you know where you should take me?
MJ: Where?
Malia: Ukraine or the Gaza Strip.
MJ: I love you.
Malia: I love you too. I have to ask you. Why take me to a no tell motel in in the ghetto?
MJ: You will laugh, but the logic is sound, in an eye of the tiger way.
Malia: Oh my God! Did you take me to the hood because of a Rocky movie?
MJ: Are you still going to love me after I tell you?
Malia: Yes! Spill it white boy!
MJ: After Rocky lost to Clubber Lang in Rocky 3, Apollo Creed trained Rocky in the ghetto away from luxury, to help him get his eye of the tiger determination back.
Malia: So does this make my water Clubber Lang?
MJ: The no tell motel Rocky 3 back to the streets move was meant to be a spur of the moment fun day bang my wife because I love her fucking ass!
Malia: I know baby. I loved it and I love you! Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever change. You are perfect just the way you are.
MJ: So, if I come up with a spontaneous YOLO experience are you in or not?
Malia: I am always in! Forever and always Michael David Johnson!
MJ: Good! Try to break your water again tonight?
Malia: Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!
MJ: LOL! Love you babe. See you tonight.
I’m ready “MJ The Water Breaker” – https://www.therealmjtheterrible.com/im-ready-mj-the-water-breaker/
