Malia: Baby, please don’t cheat on me. I live my life for you and our babies. I would die if you cheated on me. It would kill me baby.
MJ: Baby, please don’t cheat on me. I live my life for you and our babies too. I would die if you cheated on me. It would kill me.
Malia: You promise it would kill you?
MJ: Yes!
Malia: Promise me you will never cheat on me. I can’t live without you.
MJ: Remember this- https://www.therealmjtheterrible.com/question-if-malia-and-mj-broke-up-who-would-give-in-first-to-get-back-together/
Malia: I do. I am so in love with you though. You don’t even understand how crazy I am about you.
MJ: Baby, how do you think that I feel about you?
Malia: I think you love me.
MJ: Is there some reason you are worried about me cheating on you? I promise you have nothing to worry about.
Malia: Road whores.
MJ: Road whores?
Malia: That is my nickname for the bitches who throw themselves at you! There are probably 2,000 emails and messages from road whores who will “meet you anywhere to suck your dick” and offering threesomes and shit. I will straight up shank a bitch to protect what’s mine!
MJ: I want you and only you. I am yours. I feel the same way about you that you do about me. You don’t have to shank anybody okay? Do you remember how angry I got when your ex-boyfriend contacted you?
Malia: I reserve the right to shank a bitch in case of an emergency okay? He contacted me to contact you, because he wanted to hire Team Digital Death. And coincidentally his company’s entire system crashed 2 days after he contacted me. Then, also very coincidentally, after I received an email from him promising to never contact me again, his company’s system for some reason started working again. Baby, I counted the road whore messages and emails you received just this month alone. There were 9,844 total road whores who tried to contact you to do basically whatever you wanted to do to them.
MJ: Well, obviously his company’s system not working, and then mysteriously working again after he sent you an email saying he would never contact you again was an act of God. I am sorry about the road whore messages, but I’m not exactly sure how to stop it. I have never and would never contact them.
Malia: Bull shit! You digitally shanked him because you couldn’t stand the thought of him contacting me for any reason. Even he was trying to contact you. Please don’t leave me. If I don’t make you happy, I will do whatever it takes to keep you. I’m serious.
MJ: Baby, I love you, and want you, and need you, and am crazy about you, and couldn’t live without you! Please just be yourself. I love you! YOU ARE THE ONLY WOMAN I WANT!
Malia: What about when I get old and I’m all wrinkly, and 22 year old road whores are throwing themselves at you?
MJ: I’m in for life. I bet you will age like a fine wine my love. And the 22 year old “road whores” will never be you! Do you want me to prove to you how much you and our family mean to me?
Malia: Yes please.
MJ: Ok. I’m canceling my trip to Delaware today, because you are more important than anybody and anything.
Malia: Oh crap! I forgot you were going to meet with President elect Biden and Vice President elect Harris today. Don’t cancel that. I can wait. This would be your second cancel on them.
Dubs: MJ, I don’t mean to jump into your text convo, but don’t cancel again.
MJ: Listen here Nosey Rosey. I’m sure the President and Vice President Elect can get the current President to concede all on their own. They don’t need me. If you need me, I will be at home spending time with my family.
Dubs: What am I supposed to tell them this time? You are canceling for the second time on the most powerful person, and the second most powerful person in the world.
MJ: They might be the most powerful 2 people in the world, but they are not the most important people in my world. I will be at home with the most important people in my world.
Dubs: FML! You are a frustrating little shit MJ!
MJ: What? I must be in a bad reception area. I can’t hear you Brittany. The phone is breaking up or something.
Dubs: Text fucking messages can’t break up! Your reception area is just fine. I am in the car right fucking behind your ass.
MJ: I’m having trouble with my phone.
Dubs: God damn it MJ! Do not turn around. Keep heading towards the fucking airport!!
MJ: I choose my family over the President and Vice President elect. Peace Brittany! I’m outta here!
Malia: I’m sorry I’m so needy today. It’s all in my head. I am the only one here baby. Your mom has the kids again today. She doesn’t get to see them that often so I am letting her have them as much as she wants to while she’s here.
MJ: Are you homework?
Malia: What? I’m work?
MJ: Baby! Are you homework?
Malia: Huh?
MJ: Are you homework? Because I’m not doing you and I should be!
Malia: Oh, I’m a 25 page essay the night before it’s due, you haven’t started on it yet, and the teacher is a perfectionist. You better get to work now if you want to get me done before tomorrow.
Malia: FYI- It is Penis Health Awareness month.
MJ: Really? October was breast cancer awareness month. I guess it makes sense to have a penis health awareness month too.
Malia: Breast Cancer Awareness month is a national awareness situation. Penis Health Awareness month is more of an in our home situation.
MJ: I’m glad it is penis health awareness month. I hope my penis is healthy. What do you suggest? How do I find out if my penis is healthy?
Malia: Please report to our bedroom. I will make sure your penis is happy.
MJ: Do you mean healthy?
Malia: Both H’s. Healthy and happy.
MJ: I am head over heels in love with you baby cakes.
Malia: How about I put my heels over my head, and you can make love to me?
MJ: Sorry President Elect Biden and Vice President Elect Harris, but I have to make sure my baby feels loved enough before I can come to Delaware to help you handle your business. I will help y’all, but not today. Definitely not today!
Malia: I love you with my whole everything Michael David Johnson!
President and Vice President Elect Invite “MJ The Terrible” To Meet and Greet To Say Thank You – https://www.therealmjtheterrible.com/president-and-vice-president-elect-invite-mj-the-terrible-to-meet-and-greet-to-say-thank-you/
