MJ: I’m looking at the school brochures you gave me. The school you told me you want our kids to go to is $30,000. That is basically $5,000 a year if you figure they go there from kindergarten through 5th grade. I trust your judgement. I know how much research you have done. I would still like to visit the school first, but I’m sure I’ll love it since you do.
Malia: I do love it. It is the best elementary school in the city, and probably the state. The teacher student ratio is 6 to 1. They will get a great education. Tuition is $30,000 a year. The waiting list is long. I ran into our neighbor Judy at the club. Her kids go there. She raves about it! She said if we donate $50,000 towards something at the school, we will get in. It’s a legacy school. If one of your children goes to school there, all of your children get in automatically.
MJ: $30,000 a year? I don’t think my entire college education, all 4 years combined cost $30,000. Are you sure that’s the cost of tuition? What, is this Hogwarts? Are our kids going to learn how to fly and do magic? $30,000 a year buys a kindergartener a lot of friggin crayons and markers.
Malia: It is the best school there is baby. Don’t you want our children to have the best education?
MJ: Yes, but 30k a year is a lot in my mind. Colleges I know have yearly tuitions like that, but kindergarten tuition of 30k a year?
Malia: If you want our children to get the best education, it costs money.
MJ: How much was MIT a year when you went?
Malia: I think about a $100,000 a year including tuition, room and board and everything.
MJ: How much was the private elementary and middle school and high school you went to in Cape Town?
Malia: I remember tuition being 150,000 rand a year, which is like $10,000.
MJ: Wow. I went to public school, and I did alright for myself. We have talked about public school. At fancy pants private academy, they won’t be around regular kids. They will be around rich snobby kids. What are your thoughts about that?
Malia: I think a public school education, depending on the district, can be just fine. I think since we have the money to send our children to the best schools, we should. Studies show that kids who go to “fancy pants private academy’s”, are more likely to get into ivy league schools, and to do better career wise than other children.
MJ: Were you one of the pretty girls that everyone thought was stuck up in school?
Malia: Probably, yeah.
MJ: Do you think the wait list is a sales tactic to try to get parents to donate money to get their kids in?
Malia: No. I researched that because I knew you would ask me about it. There is an actual waitlist. But I do think that kids whose parents donate money to the school get preferential treatment/their kids are going to get in. Tuition goes down with each child that goes to the school.
MJ: A lot, like a volume discount, or a little, like a small discount?
Malia: I’m not exactly sure, but the discount probably isn’t very much.
MJ: If you had to guess, how much do you think the discount is? If first kid tuition is $30,000 a year, how much do you think the second kid discount is?
Malia: My guess is 5%. They aren’t going to discount tuition that much when the demand is as high as it is. We live in a wealthy area, and parents want their kids to have a good education.
MJ: I get it. Of course I want our kids to go to that school, but if you knew what it was like to struggle financially like my family did, you would understand where I’m coming from here.
Malia: I’m glad you said yes before I had to hurt you. If it will make you feel better to say the you had to walk both ways to school up hill, if it will make you feel better, go for it.
MJ: Don’t forget it was cold walking up the hill both ways to school. It was cold in Ohio like it is here. And it’s the best interest of our kids. I can only imagine the conversation when Liz gets close to driving age. “Becky’s dad bought her a Mercedes for her 16th birthday. I want a Mercedes too.” Were you like that?
Malia: How could I forget the cold temperatures when you were walking up the hill both ways to school. I am so forgetful. And I was, but I like to think I have matured since then.
MJ: What was your first car?
Malia: Baby! Stop calling me out. My family was rich. I grew up a Dupont girl, ok?
MJ: Holy shit! Your first car was a Mercedes, wasn’t it?
Malia: Yes. My daddy got it for me because it was safe, and it had airbags to protect me.
MJ: And you wanted it because you were a rich bitch Dupont girl?
Malia: Yes. I will admit it. I was a rich bitch who ran in the pretty popular girl click. Are you happy now?
MJ: And then it all went to shit when you met and married an American boy from the wrong side of the tracks.
Malia: He was very cute, and funny, and loving, and kind, and sexy, and smart, and he had a bad boy edge, and he made me fall in love with him.
MJ: I love you Malia. I love you more than life itself.
Malia: I love you too. I know you have to get back to work. I’ll get back to raising our future fancy pants private academy children (just kidding!). I love you. I’ll see you tonight.
“White Mike Johnson” and “Princess Malia” Go To an Akron Friends and Family Soul Food Reunion In Baltimore – https://www.therealmjtheterrible.com/white-mike-johnson-and-princess-malia-go-to-an-akron-friends-and-family-soul-food-reunion-in-baltimore/
