You May Now Make Love To The Bride!
MJ: Please don’t.
MJ: Please don’t.
MJ: Please don’t.
MJ: Please don’t.
Malia: Please don’t what?
MJ: I can hear you singing the song by Adele “Never mind I’ll Find Someone Like You”.
Malia: Aww! Are you feeling needy?
MJ: More like wanty.
Malia: This is what I can offer you. Sex with a pregnant beached whale.
MJ: I love you enough not to try to force sex on you. I want sex to be a mutually pleasurable. You know what I mean?
Malia: Please have sex with me. I need it so bad! You know how horny I get when I’m pregnant. There’s just one problem. I’m too tired to move except for throwing my legs up in the air.
MJ: I’m attracted to you my love.
Malia: Name one thing attractive/sexy about whales.
MJ: Blow holes.
Malia: Ha! Ha! I have a blowhole with a tongue!
MJ: Oh yeah! I don’t think of you as a beached whale. I think of you as a beached mermaid.
Malia: I love that movie. I really like the name Ariel for a girl.
MJ: I like the name Ariel a lot. If we have a girl, do you want to name her Ariel?
Malia: This is a rowdy hellraising demon child in my belly. I think he is going to grow up to be world heavyweight champion or the next generation’s Evel Knievel.
Malia: I have the song from the Little Mermaid movie in my head now.
MJ: Under the sea! I like it better down where it’s wetter, take it from me. That one?
Malia: Yep!
MJ: Are you wet?
Malia: Yes! Not to be gross, but I am so wet I am leaking. My you know what is wet, and boobs leak milk. Are you grossed out? Do you still want me? Please still want me. I feel disgusting, but I would feel almost human if you wanted me.
MJ: I agreed to for better or for worse when we got married. You may or may not believe me but it’s true. I think you are sexy when you are big belly, big boobs, and big butt prego.
Malia: For better or worse leaves a loophole. It should also say for best and for worst. If they updated the wedding vow language to include for best and for worst, divorce rates would plummet, because the whole “for better or worse” loophole would be eliminated. I’m sorry I’m a crazy cranky bitch sometimes. Please don’t hate me. I love you with all my heart.
MJ: I’m updating my vows via text to message right now. I vow to love you for best and for worst, until death does us part.
Malia: Do you vow for better and for worse too?
MJ: I vow for better and for worse too.
Malia: Do you vow all of the other stuff that will make you never want to leave me no matter what?
MJ: I vow in all of the ways that vows can currently be vowed, and I vow in all of the ways that haven’t even been invented yet to vow. If it can be vowed…..I vow it!
Malia: Then by the power vested in me by the state of Maliadom, I now pronounce you still my husband. You may now make love to the bride!
MJ: OTW
Bedroom Olympics Fun – https://www.therealmjtheterrible.com/bedroom-olympics-fun/
