Yesterday Malia and I were talking about some of our most fun dates, and she brought up the time we went to the house where they filmed the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie in Granger, Texas, which is not to far from Austin.
Due to my alleged involvement as the chief architect of the Stuxnet computer virus which had international consequences, I had to have my court appointed supervisor/body guard named Brittany with me everywhere I went, even on dates. It is very hard to be romantic, etc., when someone is watching you all the time.
Malia and I watched a scary movie one night, and she Googled something that led to her finding the Hewitt House, which is the Texas Chainsaw Massacre house. She said “It’s only like an hour away. We should go sometime.”
We decided to go the next day. I drove, Malia sat in the passenger seat, and Brittany sat in the back seat.
I was paying attention to the road, but I didn’t see the sign turning off the road into the drive way of the house that said ‘Private Property. Keep Out”, so I drove right up to the house. I thought you could tour the house, like it was Graceland or something. I didn’t know.
We parked and were getting organized before going in. I had my window down about half way. I was about to put the window up, but as I looked left there was a lady holding a shotgun pointed directly at my face. She said- “This is private property. Leave or die.”
I didn’t make any sudden moves. Brittany unbuckled her seat belt and moved slowly in between the driver and passenger seat, and started to say something. The lady with the shotgun said- “Shut up bitch!”, and I just started laughing, because Brittany can be so annoying sometimes.
Then the lady told me she was going to shoot me. I said- “I’m probably going to Guantanamo Bay for the rest of my life. Shoot me!”
Then Malia said- “Can I use your restroom? I really need to pee.” Then the lady with the shotgun said “Sure, but these 2 stay here.”
Sure enough Malia went inside to use the restroom. The lady with the shotgun asked me what I wanted in her house. She thought I was there to steal something. I told her that I didn’t want to steal anything, but if I was being honest, I was going to try to have a quickie with Malia while we were touring the house in the bathroom or something.
The shotgun lady asked me if I needed to go to the bathroom. I told her no. She said- “Are you sure? Your girlfriend is in the bathroom.” Then she winked at me! She totally was giving me permission to go have a quickie with Malia.
I told her I needed to go to the bathroom after all, and I went straight to the bathroom. When I knocked on the bathroom door, and said- “Baby. It’s me. Open up.” Malia opened the door and said- “You wanna?”
I knew exactly what she meant! The shot gun lady made me promise not to say whether we officially did have sex or not, so I won’t officially say whether we did it in the bathroom or not.
That said, after we “used the restroom”, we walked back to the car holding hands. The shotgun lady kept the shotgun on Brittany the whole time, and I don’t blame her!
Dating was a lot of fun. I always enjoyed our normal dinner and a movie dates, our adventure dates, and all types of dates in between. The only thing better than being boyfriend/girlfriend and dating, is being married and getting to spend everyday together.
I decided to make this – “Texas Chainsaw Massacre House Collage” to remember our fun/crazy adventure date that day. I love you baby!
When I Knew I Loved Malia – https://www.therealmjtheterrible.com/when-i-knew-i-loved-malia/
