This morning my brother from another Mother Marcus came over to drop something off.
Marcus saw my daughter Elizabeth, who’s first word by the way was “Dada”, and he immediately said – “Aww! Liz is adorable. The boys are going to be lined up around the block to ask her out when she gets older.”
Listen here you little future perverts, who are only about 3 years old right now, and I might be 10-15 years early with this warning, but still, this Daddy right here, Uncle Marcus, Uncle Chris, Uncle Kosta, Uncle Kevin, Uncle Matt, Uncle Gary, Uncle CIA, Uncle US Army, Uncle US Airforce, Uncle US Navy, Uncle US Marines, Uncle US Coast Guard, Uncle US Space Force, and Uncle US Secret Service will be watching every single one of you horny little teenagers who try to deflower my little princess!
My little princess Elizabeth Grace Johnson will not be deflowered! I am the most protective Daddy on earth times 10!
I’m going to say it one more time for you future hardheaded horny teenagers who may try to make a move on my little baby girl…..My little princess will not be deflowered!
Malia walked in while Marcus and I were talking about all the bodyguards, snipers, cameras, satellites, drones, swimming friggin attack ducks, and other Anti-Deflowering Security measures we will be instituting.
Malia said someday a Prince Charming is going to come along, sweep her off her feet, and deflower her in a way that I will be able to live with.
Seal Team Six, y’all are on anti-sweeping her off her feet security detail. Feel free to use any and all means necessary to subdue the perpetrator trying to sweep my little Liz off her feet!
Malia also thinks she will marry someone just like her Daddy, because that is what little girls do. A little girls Daddy is her first love. I teared up and then I panicked. Liz, when you grow up marry a Doctor. God, please don’t let her fall in love with “Evil Eddie” or something.
Malia, you may be right that a Prince Charming may someday sweep my little princess off her feet, but he is going to have to go through the ultimate daddy’s little girl protection gauntlet imaginable.
Malia, to answer your question if I will give my little princess away on her wedding day, and the answer is- Never!
In all seriousness, I hope my little Princess Liz someday finds the man of her dreams, and they live happily ever after, but I will be watching you Prince Charming/Man of My Daughter’s Dreams!
I feel like the luckiest guy/daddy/husband/dude in the world!
Sincerely,
Michael “MJ The Daddy” Johnson
P.S. I really do love being a Daddy….. https://www.therealmjtheterrible.com/mj-the-terrible-american-hero-hacker-is-an-even-better-daddy/
P.P.S. Malia, thank you for making me a Daddy, and thank you for bringing such love and happiness into my life. I never knew true love until we met. You are the light of my life, the fire of my loins, and my penguin infinity forever until the end of days!
