Dubs- Head of security for our family.
Malia- Wife of Michael “MJ The Terrible” Johnson
Dubs: Thank you for helping me search the archives Dubs.
These are the back and forth texts between MJ and I, from the first time he met my friends.
And every single one of them are still our friends to this day>>>
Malia: Is something wrong babe?
MJ: ?
Malia: You aren’t acting like yourself. Is something wrong?
MJ: It’s all good baby. Let’s just have a nice night. I promise I won’t cause any problems.
Malia: Cause any problems? Why are you acting weird? Out with it Johnson!
MJ: I want your friends to like me, and I don’t think they do
.
Malia: What makes you think that? Give them time. You’ve only known them for 2 hours.
MJ: I was fine until I got inside my own head about this. It just feels like they are all staying away from me on purpose. I’m probably just being paranoid.
Malia: Nope. You’re right. They are scared of you.
MJ: WTF??? Now I’m freaking out!
Malia: Baby, the rumors about you being the mastermind behind Stuxnet, the world’s largest computer virus, combined with your nickname “MJ The Terrible”, is a little intimidating. Give them time to get to know you.
MJ: But I can’t do anything to change those things.
Malia: Are you scared of my friends?
MJ: No. Why?
Malia: Because they are scared of you. Just be you. They will see the real you, and love you just like I do.
MJ: Ok. Should I talk to them about the Stuxnet/MJ The Terrible thing?
Malia: You don’t owe them any explanations. Just be you. I love you silly boy. How long are you going to stay in the restroom? You have been in there for 20 minutes.
MJ: Until everyone goes home?
Malia: What would you do right now if you weren’t worried about what my friends thought about you?
MJ: I would probably walk out of the bathroom, walk up to you and kiss you, and there’s probably a 99.99% chance I would grab your butt.
Malia: Do it.
MJ: Do what?
Malia: Walk out here, kiss me, and grab my butt!
MJ: No way! How is that appropriate?
Malia: OMG! Appropriate? You try to have sex with me everywhere there is a family restroom! How is that appropriate?
MJ: It clearly says “family restroom”.
Malia: It doesn’t mean for couples trying to have a family you knucklehead! It is for couples who already have kids!
MJ: I think that is debatable.
Malia: That is so not debatable!
MJ: Why do you go along with it then? You could say no.
Malia: Because I want to go along with it. I don’t want to say no.
MJ: I love you.
Malia: If you love me “MJ The Terrible”, you will come kiss me, and grab my ass!
MJ: What if your friends are offended and leave?
Malia: Then I guess we will need to find some new friends.
MJ: You promise you will love me no matter what?
Malia: I change my mind. I am coming in there! I need to get used in the restroom.
MJ: What? You are the hostess of the party. You can’t do that!
Malia: Watch me!
MJ: Baby!
Malia: And I’m in a loud moaning mood.
MJ: We can’t!
Malia: Performance issues Mr Johnson?
MJ: I love you, but if you walk into this bathroom I’m going to bang the shit out of you!
Malia: Now that’s the man I know and love. This is my apartment! I make the rules! Rule number 1 is I get to have you anytime I want to.
MJ: Your friends are going to hear us.
Malia: Only if we are doing it right.
MJ: Your friends already are afraid of me. Do you think this is going help improve their thoughts of me?
Malia: See you in 2. Be naked!
MJ: We can try to be quiet if you want.
Malia: No thank you. Loud and proud Mr Johnson!
MJ: OMG!
Malia: ; )
