Malia: Hey baby. Where are you?
MJ: I’m in my office working my love. Did you have fun shopping? Find any good deals?
Malia: Yeah. I’ll show you when you get done working. Did you cook baby?
MJ: Yeah. I made 2 Elvis sandwiches and scrambled eggs for dinner.
Malia: Really? I’m impressed.
MJ: Really! I did make my own dinner. You can ask Mr. Pete. I am the only person ever to be awarded the Distinguished Intelligence Cross for Cyber Warfare and you don’t think I’m capable of making my own dinner?
Malia: You made your own dinner. I’m impressed, that’s all.
MJ: I am capable of making my own dinner. Why are you impressed by me doing something that is a reasonably simple task?
Malia: Baby! I am trying to compliment you.
MJ: It feels weird. Usually, people don’t get complimented for making their own dinner.
Malia: Baby, you did good. You just don’t usually cook. You are brilliant baby. I know you can do anything you set your mind too.
MJ: You know I can do anything I set my mind too? I made 2 friggin fried sandwiches and eggs.
Malia: I’m sorry baby. I really am proud of you for trying.
MJ: WTF? Now I only tried? I didn’t just try to make my own dinner! I succeeded! And I didn’t use the microwave either.
Malia: I love you.
MJ: But you don’t think I am capable of frying 2 sandwiches and scrambling some eggs?
Malia: I can’t find the butter.
MJ: We might be out. Sorry if I used the last of it.
Malia: Out of curiosity, how much butter did you use to fry the 2 sandwiches and make the scrambled eggs?
MJ: I only used a single serving.
Malia: What do you mean by a single serving?
MJ: The butter was in a single serving wrapper.
Malia: The butter wasn’t single serve. You used an entire stick of butter baby. Mr. Pete told me he wanted to say something to you, but he said you were so proud of yourself for making your own dinner that he didn’t want to ruin it.
MJ: 🙁
Malia: I promise I am proud of you for trying. Mr. Pete is to. Don’t be offended, but it is kind of a known thing that you aren’t maybe the best at taking care of yourself.
MJ: I can take care of myself! I really can.
Malia: Everybody has their skillset baby. You are good at so many things, and I enjoy taking care of you. It makes me feel useful.
MJ: I feel really tired all of a sudden. I’m going to crash on the couch for a while.
Malia: Ok baby. You ate a whole stick of butter. Butter has a lot of fat it. Eating that much fat can make you feel tired. I love you cute boy.
MJ: I slept for 15 hours! For the record, I did make my own dinner last night and it was good!
Malia: Good baby. You probably needed the rest. Did you maybe use a good bit of salt along with your dinner last night as well?
MJ: Yeah. I didn’t know how much to use. That chef on tv who yells “Bam!” all the time throws salt into his meals all the time.
Malia: I love you!
MJ: I love you too! I want you to know I may have used an excessive amount of butter and salt, but the meal was edible! So, I’m still calling it a victory.
Malia: I love you so much! Hey, at least you didn’t under butter or under salt your meal.
MJ: Exactly! Some might argue that I used just the right amount. That’s all I’m sayin.
Malia: Have you filled out any paperwork recently?
MJ: Not that I know of. Usually the DOD liaison, Mr. Fanning, Dubs, you, or somebody fills out all of my paperwork for everything.
Malia: What ethnicity/race do you think I am?
MJ: Black? More like sexy cinnamon!
Malia: Thank you baby. I’ll just tell you what happened. Brittany told me you filled out the census paperwork and tried to mail it in. She said you wrote your own answers on the form.
MJ: Oh yeah. I think I did do that.
Malia: She said there was like 20 stamps on the envelope that was returned. Do you remember what you put for my ethnicity/race on the census form?
MJ: No
Malia: “South African American”. Brittany said you didn’t check a box for my race. Oh no, not my husband. My husband decided to write what he wanted to. You kinda did that on most of it from what I heard. She text me a picture of the drawing you did on the form.
MJ: It’s not my fault the form wasn’t ready to be MJ The Terribled!
Malia: You are adorable baby. Seriously. You are so cute. I love how you don’t know how to do the most basic stuff but you can solve the most complex cyber problems the world has ever known. It doesn’t make any sense and does at the same time.
MJ: 🙁
Malia: Turn that frown upside down. Your South African American wife wants to take a shower with you if you are interested.
MJ: K. On the way soon.
Malia: Good. It has been a couple days since you have had a shower. You need one.
MJ: Is there anything I do right? Jesus!
Malia: Don’t be so hard on yourself. Get hard and use your hardness on me instead.
MJ: #poundofbutterpoundofsaltpoundmaliassouthafricanamericanvagine
Malia: #onlyyoubabytoall3ofthose
Pour Some Sugar On Me! (Damn It’s Incredible When You Find Mr or Mrs Right!) – https://www.therealmjtheterrible.com/pour-some-sugar-on-me-damn-its-incredible-when-you-find-mr-or-mrs-right/
