When you find Mr or Mrs Right……Holy shit is it incredible! Texts between my wife and I- Malia: What time do you think you’ll be home baby? MJ: Depending on the traffic, in probably about an hour or so. I miss you. Malia: Do you mean you miss sex? MJ: I miss you overall, but yes, I miss sex too.…
MJ: Did your mom come pick up the kids yet? Malia: Yes. I’m excited to go to the game. Hook’em Horns! MJ: Baby, my balls are the same color as the ocean. I want to skip the game and bang the shit out if you! Malia: Are you just saying that? I know how much you like the Longhorns. MJ:…
Trick or Treat Naughty Style: Malia: I was so embarrassed last night. I can’t believe Alexa sent Emma and I’s private convo to you. MJ: Baby! It’s all good. What is a “deep orgasm” anyway? Malia: It’s the good kind. Do you talk about our sex life with the guys? MJ: Sometimes. Malia: What do you say? MJ: Good things.…
Malia: Thank you Alexa for messing up my wife’s voice commands, and accidentally sending me this make me feel awesome message, that was intended for her friend Emma- “He is the first and only man I have been with that gives me deep orgasms. I have only been with 2 other men besides MJ. I enjoyed sex with them, but…
MJ: Question….What happened when I walked through the front door of our house today and my wife was waiting for me in a sexy as hell karate outfit, and says- “Are you ready for your naughty karate lesson “MJ The Terrible”? A. We immediately had awesome karate sex. B. Since I was already in a playful mood, I decided to…
This morning….. Malia: I wasn’t feeling very pretty today, but this cute boy on my left told me I was beautiful. Thank you for making my day baby! This afternoon….. There’s the “Mile High Club”, and other fun references for people that have had sex in certain places. I’m not sure if there is already a name for people who…
Malia: When do you sleep? MJ: I slept right next to you and our babies last night. Malia: We slept. I think they call what you did power napping. MJ: Baby, I don’t want to argue again today, and I’m in an aggressive, kick ass mood! I’ve got to get shit done before I head south to go meet with…
Malia: Baby, I need a tool that I can’t find in the tool box. MJ: I don’t even know where the tool box is. Can Mr. Pete help you until I finish working on something? Malia: This tool isn’t in the tool box, and Mr Pete’s tool isn’t the one I need! MJ: What kind of tool do you need?…
Malia: See the girl in this picture with you? MJ: Yes. She’s very pretty. Malia: Well shes ovulating. Do you know what that means? MJ: Ovulating- The discharging of ova or ovules from the ovary. Malia: And do you know what that means for you Mr. Johnson? MJ: I think I have a pretty good idea, but why don’t you…
“We just fucking broke the bed. No wait, we just broke the bed fucking. After we do it some more, remind me to get a sturdier bed. Something tells me we’re going to need it.” Malia May Johnson (My wife, best friend, lover, mother of my children(I love you too CJ), nurse, doctor, confidant, my right hand wo-man, and just…