Malia: Baby, do you know what sexual fetish you have? MJ: Maliaphobia? Malia: That would mean you have a sexual phobia about me. As in, you don’t want to have sex with me. MJ: Hornyformaliaalwaysophilia Malia: I like that one. If you put phila at the end of something it means you are all about it bout it. If you…
The Naughty Alphabet Motivated by my Sexy Bride Malia A is for Ass B is for Butt C is for Cumming D is for Dirty E is for Ecstasy F is for Fucking G is for Groaning H is for Horny I is for Intimate J is for Juggs K is for Kissing L is for Licking M is for…
You May Now Make Love To The Bride! MJ: Please don’t. MJ: Please don’t. MJ: Please don’t. MJ: Please don’t. Malia: Please don’t what? MJ: I can hear you singing the song by Adele “Never mind I’ll Find Someone Like You”. Malia: Aww! Are you feeling needy? MJ: More like wanty. Malia: This is what I can offer you. Sex…
Here is what happened when I walked into one of the spare bedrooms Malia is redoing, and I found her lying naked on the bed covered up by 3 giant stuffed animals, also known as “The Stuffed Animal Bandits”. MJ: Oh no! Andre The Giant Bear, Shamu, and Bad News Brown Dog are trying to kidnap Malia! Malia: Help me!…
MJ: Wow! You sent me an awesome naughty video! Malia: Yes I did! MJ: That was hot baby! What has got you all worked up? Malia: What can I say? I’m a hopeless romantic with a dirty mind. Your sexy blue eyes are what have me all worked up. MJ: You know how death row inmates get to have whatever…
MJ: I’m like milk. Malia: ? MJ: Because I’ll do your body good! Wanna fool around? Malia: Do you mean you are like Soy Milk because you will do my body good? MJ: No! Full milk all the way! Malia: I am lactose intolerant baby. Milk does my body bad. MJ: Shit! I did know that, but the pickup line…
Malia: Michael David Johnson! I am trying to poop in peace! I don’t need you to sing to me while I am pooping! MJ: I am just trying to help. Malia: How does you singing “Ah! Push it! Push it real good!”, help me to poop any better than when I poop in silence? MJ: It’s poop encouragement, and we…
MJ: You should have to register your butt as a deadly weapon. Malia: Ok. I will indulge you baby. Why should I have to register my butt as a deadly weapon? MJ: Because it is dangerous! Malia: How so? MJ: When your little niece came running around the corner, you spun your butt around, she ran into it, and the…
MJ: I just talked to my mom. Thank you for helping her lenes. Malia: I don’t understand. The “lenes”? MJ: Yeah, every lady in her church group’s name ends in lene. Carlene, Jolene, Ilene, Sharlene, Paulene. There are probably more lenes than that. Malia: OMG! All of their names do end in lene besides your mom and one other lady.…
MJ: Why does everybody look at me like I’m a beast, and they look at you as a beauty? You are a beauty, but I don’t want to be a beast. Malia: Well if the beast mask fits. MJ: Baby! Malia: I am just teasing. Why do you think everybody looks at us like beauty and the beast? MJ: Look…