MJ: You guys sure as shit better show me some love after the stunt yall pulled on me at the hospital, when the twins were born. These shit heads(that I love), set me up good after Malia gave birth to the twins.
My ex-wife had scary postpartum depression, and the knuckle heads who did the MJ love posts today, had Malia act like she had horrible postpartum. Long story short, Malia went fake postpartum depression batshit crazy on me at the hospital and scared me half to death. Not funny! (It is looking back on it now though.)
To Malia: Are you sure I’m an amazing husband baby? Gotye may disagree. (Ha! Ha!) I love you to the moon and back baby cakes.
To Kevin: You are to kind my friend. I always enjoy when you visit, and the old “MJ The Terrible” house looks great doesn’t it? It looks completely different after the whole house makeover inside.
To BABB(Tarica Patel): You sure do make it easy for me to look like a genius with all of the cutting edge, game-changing things that you do, and give me the credit for. (SHHH! Don’t tell anybody that you are secretly the brains of the operation, ok?)
To Chris aka MJ#2: No apology necessary. I know what happened. Dubs told you she told you we were sleeping together to make you jealous so you would pay more attention to her. Don’t worry about it Chris. I love you man! It’s like you said at our appointment with Dr. Frincke the other day- “We have different birth mothers, but we have the same rebirth mother. We love you birth mom’s and rebirth mom!
To Dr. Frincke: I decided that I do want to see the accelerated brain function mortality curve chart. I guess it is better to know what to expect, then to be surprised if something happens. If the test doesn’t show me living until at least all 3 of my kiddos graduate from high school….I want a retest!
To Dubs: I didn’t re-up for 5 more years because I was forced to. I signed up for 5 more years, because I want to lock you into the Walmart Royce City Rumble Rematch! Before you told everybody that you were old and bitter today, and likely going through a witch midlife crisis, a lot of “MJ The Terrible” fans wrote in, saying- ” I can’t believe you took a swing at a girl.” I would never hit a girl. Never! That said, I do want to hit bulldozer beast Brittany, the Ronda Rousey Ultimate Fighter Brittany. Big difference!
Side note- I would never hit a woman, but Dubs, aka Brittany White, is like that WWE wrestler Chyna. A woman, but you know what I’m saying.
Dubs, in all sincerity, I need you. I know you care about me and my family. I have gone back through a lot of the pictures that I took and that were taken of me over the last several years, and you are in the background of a lot of them. You are always there. I want you on that wall! I need you on that wall!- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hopNAI8Pefg
Side note- Dubs is just like the Jack Nicolas character, and may or may not also have a penis, just like the character. (Just kidding! Kind of!)
To all of you who pulled the postpartum prank on me today: I have accepted the fact that we are all one big dysfunctional family at this point. I owe y’all my life, and I am so grateful that you are willing to share yours with me as well.
Love,
MJ
