Hey MJ! Mike Westbrooks from Toronto. You ever wear a chastity lock on your wang to spice things up with Malia? MJ: Thanks for the question Mike, but why would I wear a chastity lock on my wang? How could we have sex? Mike Westbrooks: You know. Like so you couldn’t have sex. It is frustrating and it makes you…
MJ: Miss Malia, Christmas is coming up. Have you been naughty or nice? Malia: Naughty. MJ: Santa only gives presents to the nice girls. Malia: If “Santa The Terrible” wants me to keep sitting on his lap, he better bring me something good this year. I like Prada! MJ: Well, maybe Santa will let you slide this year little girl.…
MJ: Malia “Sexy As Hell” Johnson, I’m sorry I didn’t pick up the phone earlier, and you were pissed. I just listened to your 8 “Where the fuck are you?” messages, and I just wanted to say, I think you’re going to like my excuse. Please see attached queen feisty pants. Malia: I heard about it. People have been calling…
Omg we love this painting!!! For lack of better words, and I mean no disrespect here, the trash art guy who did this for us is a frickin genius!!! It’s a sponge painting that’s about 3 feet tall, and 2 feet wide. He only charged me $20!! I had it made for Malia as an apology gift for when Matthew…
MJ: Love me 4 times baby! 2 times for tomorrow, 2 times for today! Since the Doors sang “Love me 2 times” back in the 1960’s, there has been a lot of inflation, so now its “Love me 4 times!” Malia: If you’re gonna Doors dirty talk me, at least string a few of their songs together, like….You wanna be…
Malia: We had sex last night when you were unconscious. MJ: Was I any good? Malia: Good enough. MJ: Cool. Malia: You consented. MJ: How could I if I was unconscious? Malia: Your body said you were ready. MJ: My body consented? You should be a lawyer babe. Malia: Your mind didn’t need to consent, because your body did. MJ:…
Malia: Take the “Mother fucking” hint MJ- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXACZdYN18Y Malia: “50 Shades of Terrible”…..right meow please MJ: Perfect timing! He just left. Malia: I just watched the movie. I’m in the mood. MJ: 50 Shades Preggo edition…..coming right up! Do you want to be James Bond and get the girl or what? – https://www.therealmjtheterrible.com/do-you-want-to-be-james-bond-and-get-the-girl-or-what/
MJ: How can I be the reason you smile today baby? Malia: Stop working insane hours, and actually sleep next to me the whole night. MJ: That sounds great. I’ll be up in 2. Malia: You make me smile a lot. MJ: I love to see you smile. Your beautiful smile has taken my breath away for more than 5…
Malia: Where is thine knight this sunrise? MJ: Dust though queen wish for thine knight to return to kiss his queens beautiful lips? Malia: No she does not. The queen wishes to be jousted this morning. MJ: Again my queen? I thought thine queen received quite the thrashing last evening. Malia: Thine queen wanted love making last evening but got…
Malia: Mr Johnson. Your services are required in the bedroom. MJ: No. I’ve got nothing left. Malia: Let’s check and see. The only way we will know is if we check. MJ: I think I’m down to like bone marrow at this point. You need help woman. I’m calling a sex therapist. Malia: You are so right. I do need…