Malia: I love your Cheetos post. Great memories! This is my favorite Cheetos picture of us. Thinking about our Cheetos moments makes me want to have more Cheetos moments. MJ: Agreed Malia: Are you in the mood for some postnatal coitus? MJ: Huh? Malia: Sex baby! Sex! Postnatal coitus is a fancy medical term for having sex after giving birth.…
MJ: Hey baby. I needed to take a break for a minute. I have a question for you. How come you weren’t all over me today? Do you feel ok? Malia: If I’m not all over you wanting to have sex then I must be sick? MJ: I didn’t mean it like that. Malia: How did you mean it? MJ:…
Malia: How was your haircut? MJ: It was good. I just like the military cut place better. I don’t need a handjob while I have steamed towels exfoliating my face, before I get my haircut. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy it, but sometimes I need it quick. You know what I mean? Malia: They do not give you a…
Hey MJ! Mike Westbrooks from Toronto. You ever wear a chastity lock on your wang to spice things up with Malia? MJ: Thanks for the question Mike, but why would I wear a chastity lock on my wang? How could we have sex? Mike Westbrooks: You know. Like so you couldn’t have sex. It is frustrating and it makes you…
MJ: Miss Malia, Christmas is coming up. Have you been naughty or nice? Malia: Naughty. MJ: Santa only gives presents to the nice girls. Malia: If “Santa The Terrible” wants me to keep sitting on his lap, he better bring me something good this year. I like Prada! MJ: Well, maybe Santa will let you slide this year little girl.…
MJ: Malia “Sexy As Hell” Johnson, I’m sorry I didn’t pick up the phone earlier, and you were pissed. I just listened to your 8 “Where the fuck are you?” messages, and I just wanted to say, I think you’re going to like my excuse. Please see attached queen feisty pants. Malia: I heard about it. People have been calling…
Omg we love this painting!!! For lack of better words, and I mean no disrespect here, the trash art guy who did this for us is a frickin genius!!! It’s a sponge painting that’s about 3 feet tall, and 2 feet wide. He only charged me $20!! I had it made for Malia as an apology gift for when Matthew…
MJ: Love me 4 times baby! 2 times for tomorrow, 2 times for today! Since the Doors sang “Love me 2 times” back in the 1960’s, there has been a lot of inflation, so now its “Love me 4 times!” Malia: If you’re gonna Doors dirty talk me, at least string a few of their songs together, like….You wanna be…
Malia: We had sex last night when you were unconscious. MJ: Was I any good? Malia: Good enough. MJ: Cool. Malia: You consented. MJ: How could I if I was unconscious? Malia: Your body said you were ready. MJ: My body consented? You should be a lawyer babe. Malia: Your mind didn’t need to consent, because your body did. MJ:…
Malia: Take the “Mother fucking” hint MJ- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXACZdYN18Y Malia: “50 Shades of Terrible”…..right meow please MJ: Perfect timing! He just left. Malia: I just watched the movie. I’m in the mood. MJ: 50 Shades Preggo edition…..coming right up! Do you want to be James Bond and get the girl or what? – https://www.therealmjtheterrible.com/do-you-want-to-be-james-bond-and-get-the-girl-or-what/