Malia: Baby, I have OCYDD. MJ: I Googled it. Sounds bad. Malia: What? I made it up. Just go with it baby because this works out for you. MJ: K. What is OCYDD? Malia: It’s Obsessive Compulsive Your Dick Disorder. MJ: What is the treatment for it? Malia: I have decided not to seek treatment. I just want to indulge…
Malia: I really miss you when you are gone. XOXO Malia: Is everything ok? Usually, you text back within a few hours tops. I couldn’t sleep without you last night. I know I complain sometimes because you move a lot in your sleep, and I wake up in WWE wrestling holds most nights, but I can’t sleep without you! I…
You May Now Make Love To The Bride! MJ: Please don’t. MJ: Please don’t. MJ: Please don’t. MJ: Please don’t. Malia: Please don’t what? MJ: I can hear you singing the song by Adele “Never mind I’ll Find Someone Like You”. Malia: Aww! Are you feeling needy? MJ: More like wanty. Malia: This is what I can offer you. Sex…
MJ: I’m like milk. Malia: ? MJ: Because I’ll do your body good! Wanna fool around? Malia: Do you mean you are like Soy Milk because you will do my body good? MJ: No! Full milk all the way! Malia: I am lactose intolerant baby. Milk does my body bad. MJ: Shit! I did know that, but the pickup line…
Malia: Baby, I’m answering anything goes with Malia q&a questions. They wanted me to ask you if Remote Neural Monitoring is real, and if you know anything about it. MJ: I can’t talk about that, and even if I could, I wouldn’t. Malia: That’s a yes and a yes. I’ve learned your secret cyber spy speak baby. MJ: I love…
MJ: Quick question. Do we have any dinner dates lined up in the next couple of weeks? Malia: No. Not that I can think of. MJ: Are you sure? Malia: Yep MJ: Have you made any new friends recently? Malia: Nope. MJ: Do you promise you haven’t made any new friends recently, and we don’t have any dinner plans in…
Dedicated to my loving husband (with some side notes for explanation and perspective purposes). MJ, I was born in South Africa, and I lived in South Africa until I graduated secondary school (high school) and came to America to go to college. Most of my family still lives in South Africa. I had a very happy childhood. I am proud…
Malia: Michael David Johnson! I am trying to poop in peace! I don’t need you to sing to me while I am pooping! MJ: I am just trying to help. Malia: How does you singing “Ah! Push it! Push it real good!”, help me to poop any better than when I poop in silence? MJ: It’s poop encouragement, and we…
MJ: You should have to register your butt as a deadly weapon. Malia: Ok. I will indulge you baby. Why should I have to register my butt as a deadly weapon? MJ: Because it is dangerous! Malia: How so? MJ: When your little niece came running around the corner, you spun your butt around, she ran into it, and the…
MJ: I just talked to my mom. Thank you for helping her lenes. Malia: I don’t understand. The “lenes”? MJ: Yeah, every lady in her church group’s name ends in lene. Carlene, Jolene, Ilene, Sharlene, Paulene. There are probably more lenes than that. Malia: OMG! All of their names do end in lene besides your mom and one other lady.…