Malia: Do you remember taking this photo you dirty perv? MJ: Uh huh. You blurred the bejesus out of that pic. Malia: You just agreed to being a dirty perv. And I don’t want anyone seeing what’s under the blurred parts but you. MJ: I’m allowed to be a dirty perv. Malia: When is it ok to be a dirty…
Malia: I love you! MJ: I love you too. Did I do something good to deserve an I love you? Malia: I love you and I can tell you that I love you anytime I want to, can’t I? MJ: Of course my love. I’m stressed out. Malia: Stress isn’t good baby. We need to find a stress solution. MJ:…
Malia: Do you think the saying “Black Lives Matter” is racist? MJ: No. The saying is meant to call attention to an important issue. The saying isn’t “Only Black Lives Matter”. Malia: I agree. They are debating it right now on the show I’m watching. I love you my enlightened, sexy, woke, big heart, big brain, big dick husband! MJ:…
MJ: The Nookie Monster is hungry! Malia: Oh yeah? What do you want to eat Nookie Monster? MJ: I am going to eat you for lunch. Malia: Are you going to “doink me” like your Dad calls sex? Malia: What are you interested in my horny hubby? I think it’s so funny he calls sex “doinking”. MJ: I am interested…
May is military appreciation month, and you are an American hero Michael David Johnson. I really want to service you. I mean I really want to thank you for your service. You know that song “America, Fuck Yeah! Comin’ Again To Save The Mother Day” song from the Team America World Police movie? I know you do. I rewrote the…
Malia: Baby, do you know what sexual fetish you have? MJ: Maliaphobia? Malia: That would mean you have a sexual phobia about me. As in, you don’t want to have sex with me. MJ: Hornyformaliaalwaysophilia Malia: I like that one. If you put phila at the end of something it means you are all about it bout it. If you…
MJ: I’m like milk. Malia: ? MJ: Because I’ll do your body good! Wanna fool around? Malia: Do you mean you are like Soy Milk because you will do my body good? MJ: No! Full milk all the way! Malia: I am lactose intolerant baby. Milk does my body bad. MJ: Shit! I did know that, but the pickup line…
MJ: I just talked to my mom. Thank you for helping her lenes. Malia: I don’t understand. The “lenes”? MJ: Yeah, every lady in her church group’s name ends in lene. Carlene, Jolene, Ilene, Sharlene, Paulene. There are probably more lenes than that. Malia: OMG! All of their names do end in lene besides your mom and one other lady.…
I was going to do a top 10 favorite foreplay posts, but then it turned into a top 15, which turned into a top 20, which would have turned into a top 25, or 30, or 35, etc., probably, if I had more time. I love my husband MJ, and I love making love to him. I get asked a…